It’s as if a million moments are occurring just inside this one, pressed tight together and spinning tiny spider fractures from the pressure. First-day cardigans and last calls at Poor Richards and cautious smiles hidden inside disapproving lips when her engagement ring disappeared, leaving her finger as naked and pale as virgin bones. But that was the last time you’d seen the words “holy matrimony” preceded by Pam’s name in elegant script on cream stock. (You weren’t lying when you’d said it wasn’t your taste.) Last time you’d been given a stay of execution, another chance. And it’s just that-

Pam is stepping up to the front of the altar (Which is wrong. This can’t be happening yet. Aren’t you supposed to walk slowly up the aisle in tiny two-steps?) and suddenly you can’t breathe. You can’t breathe and your dress itches at back of your neck and your heart just… hurts. You could invent a million different ways to say it, elaborate visions of ice picks or cliffs or a million sharp knives, but in the end broken is broken.

She’s beautiful, you think. A vision in white, flowers held protectively over her blossoming stomach and hair pinned up in curls. But it’s not for you.

(She was never for you.)

The past and present and future are on a collision course and you can see it, everything, at the moment of impact, the sound of it all crashing together sounding strangely like your own breath rattling quick and quietly panicked in your lungs. Desolation looks something like this: they’ll say ‘I do’ and have beautiful children and love each other and grow old together and-

Your chest constricts around another painful heartbeat. Time slows down just long enough for you to watch the woman you’re in love with marry her second chance. You just wish you’d taken yours when you had it.

adfjkldasklfaklsdfklasdf. oh my goddd. my heart just...constricted in my chest. i can't...you really know how to toy with peoples' emotions. this is SO BEAUTIFUL. *g*

Yay, I'm so happy you liked this! I was sitting there, thinking "will she straight up murder my ass if I write her angst?"
I'm glad you didn't :p

This is beautifully written.

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it :D